After 7 years.

It's funny how I'm reviving my blog after...(gasp) 7 years.

What's even funnier is that as I read my (oh-so-horrible) posts from WAY BACK WHEN, I can still relate to that 18 year old kid.

History does repeat itself. Life really is a full circle. And I can probably write about the same type of emotions, thoughts and feelings that I had.

Dear old me,

I'm sorry. I have failed you. But we will be okay. I promise.

pour toi.

its true that humans in their being human attach meanings to their surrounding. making the environment their world. and that is unlike other species.

i really dont want to cite philo... still have that philo paper for tomorrow argh...

i cant believe its actually coming to this. how can you look me in the eye and not see the me you've known... you've probably didnt see me as a friend. i was different. and now, you chose to diss me. and i have to figure this out all by myself. if this is what you want me to feel then i congratulate you for succeeding. i try not to notice the way you look at me now. the look of loathing and disinterestedness. how different were you last month even...maybe leopards do change their spots overnight. its too bad i learned to rely on you...friend. and i say that with spite.

every day i want all but to see you. don't look at me like that. don't look at me as if you don't know me. make me pretend to not care. make me stop believing in this.

nagagalit, naiinis, nanghihinayang, naasar, nalulungkot. hindi kita maintindihan. pero ayoko nang intindihin pa. let's go back to the original position. when you were still you, and i was me without you.

Bakasyon Grande!

Weee 5 day weekend nanaman! hehe. Ang saya yet sana may pasok nalang. Naiinis ako kasi bukas pala ang library kanina at hindi ko alam. Sana nakapagresearch pa ako. Haay. Sobrang kakabagot sa bahay namin, the drive to study diminishes whenever I see (haha) food, the bed, the ps2 and the opportunity to go to the mall. It's like summer all over again.

Before you were just in my environment. unnoticed. insignificant. But now you're in my world. you have meaning. I begin to see you. And this is not right. not right at all...

Back to school

Yey finally nakapagnet din ako!


1.) finally got my laptop fixed (though i still lack a spare battery and an adaptor)
2.) buying several books for my classes(histo, IR etc...) I don't like Co, don't like her at all. Pahirap ang mga readings. I like my histo prof! (can you say Noli Me Tangere??? KNOWLY Me Tangere!!!)
3.) still suffering from musculo-skeletal strain AKA stiff neck! hehehe.
4.) got word from the inTACT people, will still have to sign up for the interiew. (cross fingers)
5.) is currently on a "hunger strike". I've been on series of these lately. I try sooo hard....I really do. =(


Anyway, not so much of an update. Medyo wala pang ginagawa (or ako lang yun?) hehe.


Why didnt I get AMBETH OCAMPO!!!?!?!?!? My crush takes him together with ONEL! darn! NAUUBUSAN NA AKO NG CORE SUBJECTS!!! NOOOO!!!!

Hahaha. Sad, happy, deppressed, ecstatic. Who can tell the difference?

Stwess...

Get free graphics at BlingyBlob.com!


I've been taking driving lessons these past few days.Ang hirap pala! Thankfully I'll still be staying at ISO next sem, ayokong magdrive papuntang school noh! NOOO! hehe. Anyway, last thursday was HELL. Well the new instructor was HELL He kept making me feel like such a lousy driver. Nakakainis lang kasi kaya nga ako nandoon para matuto tapos hahayaan niya lang ako and mock me when I'm doing wrong. Literally I wanted to jump out of the car and leave him there ...but I stayed until the very last dreadful minute of it. Later I knew that he was there (in the office) because someone had complained about him. What a jerk! He should not be there in the first place. I personally think he shouldnt be teaching in the first place. With an attitude like that, nobody would actually listen to him.

Bloggerific!

Hahaha. That was a lame title. sorry. Anyway, cool new design. Yey.

I envy those who know how to make 'em.

Hu Hu hu

Summer is soooo boring. sunkissed*

Failure day

Argh...I didnt make it to the cut. (of the new Lexecom officers) I feel soooooo bummed out. (Sana I make it sa second choice...pls pls pls.)

HAAAY... so I am officially in the pit of depression because of this stupid stupid failed attempt to make it to the list of officers.

I have the right to feel bad right?...

Argh. Think Zen.
Inner Peace.

Why do I have this horrible feeling???????
WAAAAHHHHH
I need chocolate.

Uncolored Crayon

Okay. So today turns out to be a reflective day for me. But before that, day's events muna:

My day started early, I woke up at 4 and went to school for the (are you ready for this?) tap dance performance in SKIRTS. (yea, i wore a skirt today) FYI it's been what 2 years since I've done that, and today is really a breakthrough day. haha. We were to dance 4 dances. 1 for the girls, then the guys than by partners and finally the "tapdance at breakneck speed" routine. I was lousy at the 1st dance (augh...makes me sick just thinking about the horror that has just occurred) but nevertheless, we pulled through it. (Thank you Lord) I'm just glad its over. Sadly, we still have two meetings of tapdance left, and I'm not sure if I can survive another *tap*.

Anyway, as I've said this is a breakthrough day for me. hehe. This is one of those days (well my first anyway) to actually come to realize what is wrong with me.

Matagal ko nang pinagiisipan ito. Marami narin akong teorya na naisip to explain the reason behind my behavior towards my friends. Sabi nila I'm friendly daw...I don't disagree with that, I love making friends...but somehow I don't get to keep them very long. Or as close as I would like them to be.

Case No. 1:

I lost a friend two months ago. actually it was more than a friendship, it was a relationship that goes a long way back. To make the long story short, it was my fault. I was too absorbed in my world, I took that person for granted, I wasnt the caring, thoughtful, sensitive type and to top it all off, I forgot to greet that person for that person's special day. I kept making excuses for it, saying I wasnt able to greet that person because wala akong number niya. Pero kahit saan ko pa tignan, kasalanan ko. Irreversible mistake which I would have to live with for the rest of my life.

Case No. 2:

I found a friend, someone who shares the same interests in me. I enjoy having great conversations, and this particular person made it happen. I was laughing, smiling and just plain happy when we're together. Siya ay isang "intellectual buddy", willing to accept me for what I am, and all my flaws. But somehow, it wasnt meant to last. I wanted our friendship to grow and age in time but now, its not happening. Emotions got in the way. Things will never be the same. We werent on the same plane. Nasa lugar siya na hindi ko kaya puntahan, hindi ko kayang sabayan. at kung bababa siya sa lugar ko, masasaktan siya hanggang kainin na siya ng kanyang kalungkutan. The only way out...is out.

Case No. 3:

I've always had the feeling that I did not really belong. Yung parang kasama ako, pero hindi. I knew I was different, but did not let that bother me until now. Imagine having a box of crayons, each of which corresponds to a particular friend. Isang tinatakbuhan about lovelife, isang masaya kasama, pero lahat sila'y ginagamit mo at one point. Sa kahon na yon, ako yung extrang crayon. Isang crayon na walang kulay ngunit may potential na maging kahit anung kulay. Somehow I can be all the colors, but in reality I am nothing. Ganon ako sa buhay ng ibang tao. I am the extra friend kapag may nawawalang isang crayon. Pero I'm not included when they color the picture of their life.

Just recently, there was an event that occurred in the block. Part of me is grateful that I wasnt involved but at the same time, also wanted to be involved. Clash of emotions nanaman. I wish I had known something, or anything ... just even a small bit. I wish they'd go to me for help, they'd include me...treat me like I have color...that I am important. But still I remain to be the extra crayon. the meantime friend. the unused...undiscovered.

But you know, I do not want to feel "kawawa" (ang conio sorry). As I've said, breakthrough day nga ito. I've discovered things about myself, that make me act this way and ultimately suffer this way too.

Stoic, insensitive, unemotional...hindi thoughtful, hindi career sa friendship...Ako lahat yun.

I don't exert much effort on it...kaya I don't get much din.I still don't know if I can make a turnaround. If I can make myself belong.

For now I only have these words for you (Case No. 1)

I cant even begin to describe how sorry I am. I dont deserve your forgiveness or your friendship for that matter. I have been the "antifriend". Im sorry I did not exert effort into our friendship, Im sorry I took you for granted, and was unsuccessful in making you feel important in my life. Ultimately I'm sorry...I'm sorry for being the worst best friend ever. I've lost you now. and it's all my fault.

Iiyak mo lang ang lahat sa langit

Haaay tapos na ang 3 day weekend. Pero ok lang, wala naman kaming pasok sa friday (or atleast I don't have on that day) so 3 day weekend uli! YEY! I'm quite bummed by the fact that I won't be able to go to my ACP on Saturday. Sayang, 1st tym akong makkita sa tv. *sigh* Dreams of stardom are to be put on hold again. nyaha. Lex big thing na kasi sa Dec 3&4. I wouldve been more excited kung hindi natapat sa mga araw na iyon. Oh well. Sabi ng ni Onel, libre yun! wee! free food! (hehe takaw)

Last Saturday was Bettina's debut! Yey. and the Saturday before that was Krisanne's debut naman. Saya tlga ng mga debut. hehe. Reunion ng mga friends. Here's me and Claude sa debut ni Krisanne. Sabi ba naman nung host kamukha (at kaboses) ko daw si Julia Clarete! HUwaaaaaat??! Hindi naman ah.

Next year si Anne naman sa Heritage, can't wait for that. Gown, make-up and the whole shebang. hehe.

I'm taking up French this semester by the way. By far, it's my favorite class na. hehe. ang lively pa ng class namin. "Je m'appelle Jamie. Comment tu t'appelles?" Hehe. At first, I wanted to take up Jap, but I wasnt aware it was offered this sem. pero ok lang, Francais is so much cooler. hehe.

Pasok nanaman bukas....argh...

sharing the same feeling

I can't believe I actually got in. Last month, I thought I totally blew it with the interview. After all the GA was supposedly scheduled for September and I havent received an email yet. I reacted too soon, turns out the email came only now and I'm actually one of the participants! Yey me! To think, that I got all deppressed and sad when I thought I didnt get in. I would see Jaime and would wish I could ask him what happened and why wasn't I picked. Well I couldnt do that now. hehe. Even though I feel excited about it, I am quite nervous about the whole thing. I'm not really a sociable person you see. Actually I really don't get myself. I can be sooo perky one time and be sooo shy another. I share the same feeling with my buddy. I still haven't found my niche. And also my personality. Sometimes I don't know what to say when I'm with my blockmates...I feel that this isn't for me anymore. I'm not getting them. At times I would just want to retreat to my dorm and stay there. Probably to watch the tube or just hang out by myself. The same thing happens to me when there's a family reunion. I can't talk to anyone because I don't know what to talk about. Aside from the lack of people from my age-group, I really didn't grow up with much of them so I feel so alone. I hope I'll be my perky self again during the seminar...I hope I'll make some friends...

Please...just let me fit in...

the glob is back!

haay ang tagal ko rin hindi nakakapagsulat dito. kaya't i think it's high time for a new template wehehe. well actually its not a new one, eto yung dati kong template binalik ko lang. hindi ko alam kung bakit pero i feel refreshed to have a simpler template to write on. may nagsabi sa akin na ang tagal ko na daw hindi nagsusulat sa blog, siguro ay wala na akong problema. alam kong hindi totoo ang sinabi niyang iyan, pero naapektuhan parin ako. ang problema, hindi nawawala iyan. we make our own problems. lalo na ako mahilig mamroblema. pero bakit nga ba nawala na ako dito, tunay nga bang puro problema lang ang dapat isulat sa blog? (baka siya hahaha) siguro ako ang nawala. ako lang ang tinamad. sa sobrang pagod sa araw2 noong 1st sem, wala na akong lakas upang pumunta ng lib annex at magkuwento ng buhay ko. ngunit hindi ko man naisusulat sa papel, naitatatak ko naman sa isipan ko.

Sembreak na!...and i say that with so LESS enthusiasm. ang boring ng sembreak ko. nasa bahay lang ako, nanunuod ng tv,natutulog at nagpapakataba (pero hindi parin eh! ) and to top it all off nagkasakit pa ako nung isang araw. hari (reyna) ng sablay talaga ako! ang sarap sigurong umuwi sa probinsya mo pag sembreak, naiinggit ako sa ilan kong blockmates. ang dami siguro nilang ginagawa doon. beach, tambay, gimik with former friends. samantalang ako'y hindi naaarawan dito. hehe. pag dating ng pasukan, ako nalang ang maputi. lahat sila tan. marka ng isang beach-filled vacation. pero ayos lang naman sa akin ang buhay baboy kong ito. basta't kasama ko kapatid ko, ayus na.

Nakikinig ako ngaun kay James Blunt "You're Beautiful". Hay salamat James. I think you're fine too. hehe. napapasenti nnman ako lately. hindi ko alam kung bakit. siguro gusto ko lang maramdaman ang lungkot at ang sakit kahit sandali lang sa pamamagitan ng kanta. it's not my fault that im an emotional void. i still have that longing to feel the pain he caused me. i havent fully felt it yet. or maybe i have, but the void in me is greater it just ate it all up. "cause I'll never be with you." I'm beautiful. (please don't sue me.) =)

another thing that's been bothering me is that i've become a realist. i don't believe in destiny, fate and all that crap. and maybe i never did. but he believes in it...and this bothers me. or more specifically, it bothers me that maybe it'll bother him. i want to share his dreams and prophecies about us, but i just can't. i don't want to stare too far into the future and already place him there. it would hurt too much if it wont come true. i'd rather go my way alone and see him at the end rather than have him with me all the way but not in the end. siguro iniisip nya na "ano ba naman tong babaeng to, walang kasweetan sa katawan niya." oo nga. wala. haay. my love is just this. this is it. (hehe.)

Tama na ang senti moments. Naaddict narin ako sa Numa Numa! Kung sino ang makakapagturo sa akin ng sayaw ni Chicken Little ay babayaran ko ng uhm....chicken strips. hehe. ang hirap kasi ,hindi ko magawa =(

Sayaw nalang tayo. Maya hee! Maya hoo! Maya haha!

wahihwahsiha

several aspects of my life are falling apart now. haay... acads ko ay sobrang baba. hindi ko inisip na ganito kahirap. hindi naman ako nagkulang sa pag-aaral. haay. bawi nalang tlga. only consolation nalang ay hindi lang ako nagkakaganito.hindi ako nag-iisa. san kaya ako puwede magshift?

nahihirapan na ako sa aking nararamdaman. hindi ko kayang magalit sa kanya. pero siya ang dahilan kung bakit nagkaganyan ka. i have nothing against her. haay. hindi ako nagseselos, hindi ako nagiinggit. nais ko lamang ang iyong kaligtasan. habol ko lamang ang iyong kapakanan. siguro kung saan ka masaya, doon ako'y malungkot naman. wala narin namang akong magagawa. hindi mo na ako pinapakinggan. alam mong bihira lamang akong umiyak. at sa pagkakataong ito, ako'y napaluha mo. huwag ka lamang niyang sasaktan. at yung sinalihan mo...kung hindi ilalayo kita at hindi ka na nila makikita.

-sa tuwing nakikita kita, nakikita ko ang iyong dinadamdam. pilit mo kasing tinatago. pilit kinukulong. sa bawat pagkakataon na magmamahal ka, umaayaw ka. lumalayo ka. mahirap yan. huwag mong paglaruan ang iyong puso. kung kaya ng iyong isip na kontrolin ang iyong nararamdaman, bakit ngayon ay bumabalik siya sa iyong gunita?

hindi naman sa malungkot ang buhay ko ngayon kaya puro sad ang aking sinusulat. sa kabila nitong lahat, may nagddulot parin sa akin ng saya. ang Dota (hahaha) at siya.

The ONe with the Ear wiggling

I learned that my brother can wiggle his ears, and my mom was so psyched (and probably freaked out about it) haha. I told her I can do that too and she said "Freaks!" hehehe. While my brother had this talent ever since he was born, I had to practice it. I literally forced myself to find that muscle that controls the wiggling of the ears. hehe. I know another person who share the same "freakiness". It made me remember him in that short moment in time.=(

I don't like Coke Light and I know alot of people do. Mostly those on a diet. Good thing my dad shares the same sentiments. Wala lang.

Busy Busy Busy. "May midsterms si lola sa Thursday..." Sing it with me. I'm actually nervous about the midterms in POS60 and also the orals for that matter. 4 minutes per question!! Waah! All or nothing pa! Goodluck satin guys.

Also ARPT training starts this week. Yay! Shooting is fun! That's all I can say. hehe. Lalo na kapag you imagine the target paper to be the head of....wheeps...hahaha. Ill intentions bad.

Shoutouts:
Coldblood- Alam mo nga ba talaga? Ako'y pangiti ngiti lang kasi wala lang..cute ako eh. hahaha. Punta ka na. =p

Spearman- Wala lang. Barbero ung book. hahaha.

zteb- Ikuwento mo, I'm a slow ked.

Philip- May nabili ka naman ba sa sale?

2 straight sleepless nights have passed and needless to say, i've turned into a Zombie. (waaa) the 1st night was due to the report for asian history (we pulled it off in less than 24 hrs. =D), next was a lot less academic reason. I read the Da Vinci Code from 12Am to 5Am. Nakalimut na ako sa oras and also the people from the room adjacent to us turned the radio on the whole night. the playlist wasn't really "sleep music" the radio station played Macarena at 4am! waaah! much worse, the people from the other room actually listened to it. haay. Anyway, lousy entry....I know. what i really want to do is to give shoutouts to the people. hehehe. (ala Gino)

To the one I'll never have-thanks for dropping by kostka the other day. "buenas" to the lousy day that it was.

To the one I'll never have again- If I had one question to ask God, I'll ask him why we have to go through all this hullabaloo.

To the one I have now- The days seem brighter. The smiles seem more real. The dreams come true. Life's better now.

Coldblood- Kaya mo yan...pero sana alam mo ang ginagawa mo.

I need a wheelchair.

Anyone please, cut off my legs now! No words can describe how much pain I'm feeling right now. Well maybe there are, I just can't think of them right now because 3/4's of my brain is concentrated on feeling my muscle sores. Waaahh. I went to the auditions at around 9, thank goodness it started early. Alot of freshies in the group, even some from the S1 block. (Carlos and Rodney). Anyway, I wasn't really bent on actually making it but I thought I'd give it a shot (for the sake of Kei and the fact that I actually spend my Saturday at the dorm). Anyway, we were taught a series of steps. (and the steps were not easy mind you...I think the actual routine lasted only for about 3 mins or so. sorry I actually know the exact duration, I just can't remember it right now. Later na when my brain is back to normal.) so anyway, we started with some stretching exercises after which I felt tired already. Tapos tinuro na ung routine. Like whoa...ang hirap. or I had poor memorizing skills kaya hindi ko nagets agad. Pero okay naman ako when I'm alone. Siguro napaghinaan lang ako ng loob or something. My audition time was 2:10 and after having lunch Kei and I headed back to the studio. Unfortunately, (but not unlikely) alot of people backed out kasi nga siguro the steps were uber hard. I would've backed out too kaya lang naisip ko ulit si Kei and the "I'm-not-a-quitter" principle. Tapos ayun, sabi nila we're on na daw kasi kami na ung last when it was only 1:45! waaah! and since we were the only ones left, solo nalang daw. double waaah! I'm not going to continue this story...the bottom line is I feel so sore I can hardly feel my legs. Magdonate naman kayo ng wheelchair for me oh! I still have my arnis prelims on Tues. Talk about double whammy! Haay. I haven't finished the POS60 readings yet...nor do I think I ever will in this lifetime. Hay Aristotle show yourself and share your wisdom. LOLZ Hay...atleast I joined ARPT. I like it there. I hope I'll make the team.

first day flunk

Yeah, first day flunk. Wyson, Mark, William and Gino was caught by the guard leaving their bags at our bench in Kostka. They were only gone for awhile, because they had to photocopy some reading for POS100. Unfortunately, the Ateneo have now this rule about leaving bags around. It is only right though, to prevent thefts and losses inside the campus. Pero yun, 1st day flunk parin. My day started early with my 7:30 class in Bellarmine. POS100 was a big class, with 90 students! goodluck nlang sakin kung makilala pa me ng prof ko. The prof looked cool and the class seemed interesting. Magkakaalaman na kung para ba talaga ako sa course kong ito. My next class was PE. The "sub" came in late checked attendance then gave us a free cut. There goes 15 minutes of waiting and 5 minutes of lining up. Excited pa nman ako for arnis. (Although Gino seemed skeptical about me battling it out. hehe. baka daw masaktan ako at hindi ko kayanin. Ok lang toh, I can do it! Whapak!)Puro freshies ang kasama ko sa Pe. Oh men. hehe. Then Kei and I ate lunch at Shakeys, actually kakakain ko lang ng waffles before Pe tapos kain uli. (bloated!) My last class for today was POS60 (History of POlitical Theory) the professor was kinda old, but I think she's ok. (PhD ba naman!) She asked us to buy a book sa ORP on POlitical Theories. We were 120 sa class, and they only reserved 80 copies daw sa ORP! Waaah! so talagang pumila na ako para hindi ako maubusan. Hindi pa bukas ung ORP nun so we waited for like an hour para magbukas. We were like waiting for a celebrity, everytime someone would open a window we would clap and cheer tapos boo nman pag clinose uli. hehehe. After that I went back to the dorm and slept. Bukas 830 naman ako! Waaahh laging morning classes...banong sched. O well sana tomorrow ok din ang day ko. Sobrang crowded na ng ateneo! Parang enrollment! waaahh. dami freshies. Aapaw na ata ung caf kanina! hehe. Isip ko nga sana 3 floors nalng ang caf namin. lolz. Tapos kanina, some people were sitting in our bench sa kostka, pinaalis (politely) naman nila Wyson. Yeah sophomore authority! Woot Woot! Freshies pa ata ung mga un.Anyway ayun lang. Kelangan magsipag. I still need to read a 27-page reading assignment for POS100. Haha. What fun.

18 going on...

Ish my birthday, we're gonna party like ish my birthday! yeah! I'm now officially 18, how bout that eh? I don't look like it though, I look 16 or maybe 17. But 18? I don't think so. In a weird way, I feel grown up already. (ahaha) I figured I'm going to change some stuff about my life.

1. Be more lady-like.

Eeew. I know. But I think it's time for a little change on my preference on clothes and grooming myself. All this time I've been for comfortable even if it means Giordano Kids, but now I'll try to dress my age. I got like 3 jewelry boxes last Saturday, with nothing to fill them with. Never been one for accessories nman ako, but now I feel I should but more girly stuff. haha.

2. Change my hair.

Excited about this thing, just have to figure out what style I'll have my hair cut.

3. Walk the talk.

Siga daw ako maglakad. waaaahh. nuf said,

As for deeper changes...

Next time na iyon. haha.

My debut was successful, well atleast for me. The fact that it rained and still more than 20 people came was good enough for me. I feel bad for those who couldnt make it though, it would've been more fun if they were there but I don't harbor bad feelings towards them naman. I just wish they know what they missed. hahahaha. It was only after the party when I remembered those who were supposed to be there but wasn't. I felt a little bummed but I am thankful for those who were there.

Patrick was there.The weird thing was it was if nothing happened, he was even asking if we (Anne, I, Lizer and him) could go to GB3 to continue the night. Wahaha. Who would've thought that we didnt talk for four years before Saturday night? Time does heal all wounds I guess.

Today was uneventful. Aside from my cousins going back to Baguio and grocery shopping, my day consisted of lounging around. Oh well, happy birthday to me. hehe.

If I love you, what business is that of yours?

ytrne glob

ayan maglalagay nnamn ako ng entry. sobrang hectic ang mga araw ko ngayon. kabagi ang nakaranas nanaman ako ng sarili kong version ng "migraine". ang sakit tlga ng ulo ko. nagugutom pa ako.

kinakatakutan ko na ang june 4. baka hindi matupad ang mga nais matupad. baka hindi dumating ang mga nais dumating. baka hindi pa ako umabot sa araw na iyon.

hindi naman tlga june 4 ang kaarawan ko. baka sa tunay kong bertday ay walang makaalala. naku poh.

wala pa akong gagawin sa debut ko. sino ba makakapagturo sakin kung pano kumain ng apoy? bigyan nyo ako ng instant talent.

naaawa na ako sa nanay ko. inaasikaso niya itong debut ko tapos may trabaho pa sha. sana matapos na ito. ang tanging consuelo ko nalang ay ang mga kaibigan ko na darating dun.

nais ko nang maiyak kagabi. lahat ng ginagawa ko ay palpak. may mali lagi. sobrang nasstress na ako. nagkakaroon na ako ng mga bangungot tungkol sa magiging kalabasan ng debut ko. hindi ko inisip na ganito kahirap. to the point na magbbreak down pa ako.

ayoko na makarinig ng problema. pls. huwag muna.

shoutouts:

ninong- sorry kagabi. nainis nga ako. wala kasi ako sa mood magjoke. hindi ko kayang sakyan ung sinabi mo kagabi. pasensya na. masakit na ulo ko kasi. nagonline nga lang ako para makausap ka.

coldblood- salamat. sana nga'y makapunta ka. pero wag mag-alala, maiintindihan ko kung hindi mo kaya.

dahil wala akong maisip na title

there are times when i feel really stupid. just like right now. have you ever experienced purposely blinding yourself so you won't see the painful truth? ever been into a situation when you force yourself to think this way but in the back of your mind and in your (ehem) heart you know you feel the other way? ever since, i've always believed in the saying "if i think i can, i can" but right now i don't think that's such a good idea.

only the biggest losers get under my skin. wahaha. now what does that make of you?

im beginning to think that deep inside im a mean person. wahaha. ive judged you unfairly. but only because you did the same thing. okay now was that revenge? (head hurts)

anyway, here's one poem of a future palanca awardee...

binura ko na ang lahat
binura ko na

ang lahat ng mga mensahe

mo

hindi ko na alam kung bakit

basta binura

ko

madaling-araw na

noong ginawa ko ang pagbuburang iyon

basta nabura ko na

tapos...

kung iisipin ilang

buwan ko ring

itinago ang

lahat ng

mensahe

mo

inilagay sa isang

folder ng inbox

ng telepono

ko

karamihan walang saysay

lahat pangkaraniwan

ngunit pinilit pa

ring itinago

kasi galing sa iyo...

ngunit ngayon nga

binura ko na

lahat ng

mensahe

mo'

pagka't kulang na sa memory ang

cellphone ko

kailangang burahin

ang kailangang alisin

dahil kung hindi

hindi papasok

ang mensaheng iba

na galing sa

iba

sayang lang ang

memory

kung walang

paggagamitan...

mabuti pa ang telepono

nahahawakan ko

mabuti pa ang mensahe

nababasa ko

sana

nahahawakan ko rin ang mga kamay mo

nababasa ko rin ang nasa isip mo

pero huli na

umasa lang ako sa pinagkabit-kabit

na salita

binura ko na ang lahat ng mga mensahe mo...

a cup of cold water mixed with a drop of cold blood

kanta

astig tong kantang toh...

kung liligaya ka sa piling ng iba
at kung ang langit mo ay ang pag-ibig nya
tututol ba ako kung kagustuhan mo?
sapat na ang minsa'y minahal mo ako...


hindi ko alam ung kasunod na lyrics. hirap hanapin sa web. o well.